I know - this is the post you've all been waiting for :-) I alluded to my thoughts on push presents a little while ago, but realized that I never came back to it so here it is!
Push Presents. For those of you who haven't heard of the concept, according to Wikipedia, the definition of a push present is as follows:
A push present (also known as a "push gift" or "baby bauble") is a present a new father gives a new mother when she gives birth to their child. In practice the present may be given before or after the birth, or even in the delivery room. The giving of push presents has supposedly grown in the United States in recent years.
Wikipedia refers to a 2007 survey of 30,000 which concluded that 38% of new mothers received a push present, and 55% of pregnant mothers wanted one, though fewer thought it was actually expected.
So that's that - a push present is a way for a dad (or partner) to commemorate the birth of their baby.
In cruder terms, he "thanks" the mother for "pushing" a baby out of her va-jay-jay.
So does that mean c-section moms don't get one?
Of course, the concept of a push present has been around for eons, although it wasn't called a 'push present' nor was it expected. My mom told me that my dad gave her something to commemorate the birth of each of me and my sister. Although I am pretty sure she didn't give him a list or send him to a site like this: http://www.pushpresentideas.com/
I think that push presents are similar to the "Right Hand Ring". Something that has existed for years but that some super smart marketing people put a name on, played on women's emotions and took credit for the idea.
Anyways - here are my thoughts on push presents. They are all over the place - you've been warned.
1. Like most presents, they'd be best if they didn't have to be asked for. Realistically, I'd say most women fantasize about their husband/partner showing up at home after the baby is born with a little something that he just WANTED to give you because you were such a hero throughout the pregnancy/birth.
You know - something like this :-)
2. The name "push present" is kind of gross and crass.
3. I think that dad's/partners would feel a lot better about giving a token of appreciation/commemoration if they didn't feel like some marketing maven was forcing them to do it. Kind of like how a lot of men have issues with Valentine's Day - feeling like it is a 'Hallmark Holiday' that they are forced to participate in.
4. Like my attitude about Valentine's Day, just because some marketing genius took over and started making it sound like a push present is a 'must have' doesn't automatically mean it is a bad thing. To me, there is something very sweet about a woman who has something that was given to them for their baby's birth. It doesn't have to be Tiffany (not saying that it can't, of course :-) but something thoughtful and enduring seems to give the gift more meaning in my opinion.
5. I've only been through about 23 weeks of pregnancy and watching what is happening to my body for our family is definitely making my support lean towards the YES side of giving a push present. Dude. Sure, our bodies are miraculous things that really seem to be built for this, but OMG this is a lot of change. I haven't even hit the super uncomfortable stage or the 'ring of fire' stage. At that point I'm sure I'll be pointing at that Tiffany ad and growling at my husband (sorry babe). I'm a sucker for marketing. What can I say :-)
So now tell me - what do you think of push presents? Did you get one? Would you want one? Expect one? Think the whole thing is gross?
27 comments:
I don't think a woman should ask for it or expect it.
Bryan is aware of them and its up to him whether he gets one. But if he decides not to, there is nothing stopping ME from buying a little birthstone necklace or ring to celebrate how awesome I am for growing a human. :)
But I know my hubs, and I know he'd do something sweet even though I'd never talk to him about it.
I did get a 'push present' for my first child, though nobody called it that. I got a leather jacket that I'd been wanting badly - but I had no idea it was coming. It was a total surprise and something just for me from my sweet hubby. Who wants a present you have to ask for?
I dropped hints at a Push Present and my hubby ended up surprising me a couple weeks after the birth of our daughter. An iPad 2! After screaming "ring of fire!" in the delivery room I think he understood how much I deserved it. haha
I like the general idea of commemorating the birth of a baby, but when I get down to brass tacks it feels really crass. Not sure how PG you like to keep your comments, but doesn't it feel a little bit like prostitution? "Pop me out a pup and I'll throw something pretty your way ..." Yech.
I look at it from this perspective: YES, I carried the kids for nine months and YES, I pushed 'em out, but THEY are my reward. Personally, I don't need a necklace or a ring: I've got the babies themselves (though these babies are 14 and 9 now, but still ...)
Anyway, I'm sure most will disagree but overall I'm not a huge fan :)
I think a gift is only a gift if it comes from the heart and is genuine, as in he was moved to get something. That a man was so upended with emotion that he felt the only thing he could possibly do was to show it with a gift is a sweet sentiment. The moment it becomes expected, it looses it's appeal to me. For us, my husband gave a gift to my daughter from a previous relationship for each of our two girls together. It was his way of saying I love you and support you even though I was not there for your birth. His gifts to her were in turn gifts to me.
I'm with Meg...who wants a gioft you have to ask for?
OMG you so watched "30 Rock" (Tracy Jordan)! The term "push present" is a bit rough for me, personally, but I get the idea behind it. Nevertheless, there's absolutely nothing wrong to celebrate a new born and a new mom by showering them with gifts; and anything starts with a T or G or H works even better (for me) :-). Other than the term, I think it's quite a romantic gesture.
I agree the name is crass. I didn't ask for one and I didn't get one - our baby was the gift himself! During my mat leave, we went on two incredible vacations as a family and I got a macbook air as a birthday gift :) Much nicer than an explicit 'push' present, I say.
Ooh the family vacations sound quite!
I have actually never seen 30 Rock - I know - shameful right?
I have two kids and didn't want or get a push present. In a way, I think the idea is absurd. I think random gifts as a token of affection are great, but I don't think it should be expected because someone had a baby. Just the same, I don't think I deserve a gift for cleaning my house for a year. It's an expected duty and I think the mom needs to focus on being a little more selfless, for her sake and the baby's. Just sayin'.
I'm almost 39 weeks pregnant and don't want nor expect a push present. Love and support and oh yes, our new baby will be all that I need.
I hadn't heard of a "push present" 4 years ago when I gave birth to our first daughter, but both my husband and I exchanged gifts. We didn't tell each other or expect it, but separately we each felt that it was a fitting occasion to give each other something that we would associate with that event. Ironically, though I don't like Tiffany's, my husband succumbed to their marketing (or at least the assumption that all women like Tiffany's!) and gave me a necklace with 3 circles to represent the 2 of us and our new baby. I gave him a watch. We normally don't exchange presents at all for the typical Hallmark holidays, and this occasion is much more meaningful. To me, it was similar to exchanging personal gifts after our wedding. However, the expectation (and the name "push present") is very off-putting. I didn't see it as a "reward" for having a baby; it was a way of doing something nice for each other and celebrating the journey into parenthood that we were beginning.
I don't think either of us knew any better...but he did treat me to lovely presents a few short months later. I say whatever works for you guys..who doesn't love presents? I do agree with meganlauriana below...buy one for yourself! What is this you haven't watched 30 rock? now that is a true gift! Watch it girl!
DH are not doing the babymoon and I don't expect a push present.
What I would love to do is take a week in the fall, escape to the cottage with DH, baby and the dog and veg out by the fireplace. That would be my ideal.
I wouldn't expect one. I wouldn't ask for one right in the delivery room. And true, the name is crass. But as a few months go by and the dust settles a little bit, something nice and sweet and what you want is a great way to celebrate the occasion. Especially if it is something you will wear every single day. So as much as I'm for feminism and equality, etc, etc, a little sign of chivalry is always lovely and welcome in my books.
I definitely didn't get a push present with Keaton, although I did hint to the hubs for one. He thought the idea was ridiculous. You know what I think is ridiculous - 9 months of pregnancy, 22 hours of labour and 6 weeks of healing afterwards!! But really, I would love a little something just to commemorate the whole ordeal - want to suggest it to Aidan?
I had never heard the term "push present" but this past month, I have received a crazy amount of orders for my jewellery, from men buying presents for their expecting wives. It wasn't until I read this post that I realized it was a "thing"!
None of the men have used the term, and they've all been so happy to tell me why they were buying this piece - all the jewellery they purchased was symbolic or meaningful to them in some way, and I was really touched by the gesture.
Marketers can do what they want but at the heart of it, isn't it nice to commemorate such a major life moment the way we do with wedding rings?
Never got one, didn't need one. My thoughts on it is the birth of the baby gift not enough. Speaking from experience it took 5 full term pregnancies to bring home 3 babies. Now I am so fortunate to have 3 lovely grandchildren.
Ok, so everyone is saying no to a push present which makes me feel like cr*p that I am wearing my "push present" right now!! Lol.
After my third (and final!) child born in a 3-year time frame I had a custom ring made for myself. It's made of each member of my family's birth stone set in an eternity band and I wear it everyday. I loved the idea if tying together the birth of each of us together. I guess after four years of pregnancy's, births and breast feeding I figured I deserved it ;)
no push presents here...
no wedding band or engagement ring either! so I'm not the one to talk...
I love this post! I'm newly married, no kids yet...BUT I like the idea of a push present. It doesn't need to be some crazy expensive Tiffany gift (although I wouldn't say no to that) but something to recognize what you've been through would be nice!
I didn't get one, but now I want one!! Somehow it'd be sweeter if men just did stuff like this on their own without the idea being planted in their heads - ha!
I think we should get as many gifts as possible for the hard work we do. There is no harder job in my opinion than motherhood.
To me it commoditises your body and child.
You go through a pregnancy / birth and produce a child....he pays / rewards you...
It just doesn't sit well with me.
Also, from a practical point of view, it is pretty reckless for an average family to be spending up big on jewellery as they enter one of the costliest phases of their lives. One of many possible scenarios for an 'average' two-income family; If buying that Tiffany's ring means that the mother has to go back to work a month earlier (than if she used the money instead to extend her leave) and put baby into care then is it really a gift that a mother would want? Plenty of people could afford the gift they chose to give, but there would also be a lot of men under pressure to produce a bigger gift than the family could reasonably afford...and most people are a bit deluded as to what they can actually afford.
I go back and forth. I'd be thrilled if my husband thought of this on his own. But, I'm pretty aware that while he's a wonderful person and husband, he's a horiffic gift giver. (Seriously, I won't even go into the Anniversary Debacle of 2006.) So, I definitely wouldn't push it with him. But, if a blue box shows up magically, I certainly wouldn't turn it down. ;)
I'm pregnant with my first and have been looking forward to this post ever since you mentioned push presents a while ago. There is something about the idea of a 'push present' that I just don't like but can't quite articulate why (the name is definitely not helping). Despite feeling sick, tired, sore and uncomfortable at times, and worrying about the pain of childbirth and what the hell is happening to my body, I feel incredibly lucky to be able to experience growing another human being and bringing him or her into the world. I know my husband gets to avoid a whole bunch of pain and discomfort and sacrifice, but I feel like he's missing out on a lot too.
I was the lucky recipient of push presents for both my kids. The first (diamond stud earrings) was kind of a "super 30" gift because my birthday was only a few days after my daughter was born. I may have dropped hints but more for my birthday, not necessarily the baby. The second , I got a channel set band with the birthstones of both of my kids (diamond and emerald - lucky me!). I dropped some hints but he definitely chose the gift. I stack it on top of my wedding and engagement rings. I like the idea of commemorating the birth of your children. I hope I pass down both to my kids (or my future granddaughters).
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